you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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