They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
