I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
