So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
