she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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