ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
