I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
