Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
