He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
