New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
