then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize