That's intense
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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