These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
