how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
