I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
