I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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