her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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