how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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