You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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