i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
