Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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