If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
