I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
