Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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