hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
40s are totally the cure
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
