meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
