The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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