do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
