I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
