Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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