Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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