Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
