Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
