You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
