I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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