we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
