I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
