I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
the liver wants what the liver wants
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize