I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
