ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my being single is dangerous.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
