OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
