R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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