I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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