i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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