well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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