dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
