i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
