real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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