Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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