too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
