I heard we made out
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
