I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
