If that was your dad, he is hot
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
