you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize