Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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