I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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