Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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