I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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