beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
