Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
