I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You're like the curious george of whores
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
