My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
