sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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