Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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