okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
