I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
