I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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