Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
