There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize